Grief can be a very personal, individualized feeling, shared by no two people in exactlly the same way. While, yes, the majority of feelings may be similar. We each personalize our grieve based on our feelings, emotions and past life experiences. Others may share very very similiar feelings but no one else can experience it in exactly the same way as you do.
I am dying, my story can be found on the attached link to Dying Man’s Daily Joural. I have found journaling my feelings has been a tremendous help. Not everyone has or even wants a journal. However, on occasion may feel a need to express or get feelings and emotions out. That is the purpose of this site. To offer all a chance to express their feelings or to tell their story in a safe nonjudgemental site. Maybe, even getting a small bit of relief by getting thoughts and feelings out.
All comments are welcome, please feel free to express your feelings or tell your story.
November 27, 2006 at 5:29 pm |
Bill, I found your new blog. Mike
May 18, 2007 at 11:53 pm |
Sorry Bill,
I’d never noticed this link before. If you need to set this site up as a private site or prayer closet so to speak…..then by all means do so. If you need to cry, scream, bitch or laugh about things that maybe the rest of this world won’t understand feel free, I just want you to know there are those of us that would listen and understand. If this is a need in your life brother, then by all means do it. Trust me there is nothing that you could say that would shock or offend me.
Brother Reg
May 28, 2007 at 1:28 am |
Thanks again Bill.
Reggie,
I know that I’ve shocked and offended some when I really let it come out, but all I can say is that at least I did it, I was true to myself and honest about me. The ones who couldn’t take it have just up and disappeared and I guess they have their own stuff going on. I wish I had brothers like you guys.
May 28, 2007 at 2:38 am |
Hi Ruby, being true and honest is a great quality. Maybe I could be your cyber brother.
Bill
May 31, 2007 at 4:43 am |
Ruby,
You got a brother here……………. May not be the one of your choosing…….but by God you have a brother here none the less…… Sorry, but when you get to me,……. the pickings of brothers are kind of scarce…….My Way’s are not your ways Saith The Lord Of Hosts.
Lean on me sis………lean on me…………….when you’re not strong…….when you need a friend ………just to carry…. on.
Bill the exact truth goes for you as well.
A peice of sh*t, yet a brother
Reg
May 31, 2007 at 5:29 pm |
I’m a leanin’ leanin’ leanin’ on the everlasting …….brothers…?
Does that mean you’re gonna go beat up those meanies for your sis? Or tag alng after me?? I’ve always wanted a brother or two or ten.
Hugs!~
May 31, 2007 at 5:50 pm |
Hi Ruby, you got it. Just point out which one is mean to is little sis and I will beat them up for you. lol Always here to keep an eye out for you. By the way though Brother Reg isn’t my real brother, just on line. Reg is in Texas and I am in Canada. But still here for you.
Bill
June 1, 2007 at 2:47 pm |
Grief is curious, it can break you, drive you into the darkest part of your soul. The sounds that escape your mind and the echo that is released from the deepest part of your core. I have experienced grief, and no two versions are the same. I just hope you do not have to experience such a weird emotion in your time. Your time should be filled with…something else.
There is a point when the grief lingers and dissipates. You are then left with emptiness, what have you then?
June 2, 2007 at 3:48 am |
Dear enreal
Your pain is so real, I can feel it in your words. I agree no two people will ever experience exactly the same grief or extent of feelings, it is an individual thing. Your pain is obviously very deep and very strong. No one may be able to feel your exact pain but others myself included have experienced grief and can relate to your feelings.
Many times writing about your grief, getting it out can be beneficial. I encourage you to do that. I hope you consider here, to be a safe, non judgemental spot to do that. I would welcome anything you may wish to say.
You could be surprised by the amount of love and support you get back and by how many people would support and pray for you, as do I.
Be kind to yourself, be good to yourself
Bill
June 4, 2007 at 5:52 am |
I might hate myself in the morning (mourning?) for doing this, but here goes ….
I have just been so upset the past few days and it seems to deepen in me more and more. I’ve tried to remain positive and look for the light, but the constant trips to the doctor, even though I’ve opted for no treatment are wearing on me. I feel like I’m on exhibit and have to beg for any sort of real help from medical “professionals”.
It was a trip to go and get my records from one doctor, (which were incomplete and filled with outright lies about me) and take them to another doctor who I am not even sure will be willing or able to help me, then a trip to the new doctor’s office to drop off the records, and get a date when he will see me, only to find out I won’t be seen by the actual doctor but his assistant and I can’t see the actual doctor who I might not even like for another month – In the meantime, I’ve had edema for some reason and had trouble getting up and walking, going up and down stairs in this two story house, I am having much pain, I can’t sleep and I have lost 10 pounds since March. I only weigh 95 pounds now and cannot really afford to lose much more.
This is so scary and rotten and I just feel on the outside of everything. My emotional health is ….about null…. my poor husband is taking the brunt of my raw edges and on top of that I am very worried about my oldest son who is drinking himself to death at a rapid rate and after watching my father bleed to death at age 52, I am just so very afraid for my son. I know my son has to go through what he has to go through, like we all have, but he’s my son.
I don’t mean to just fall apart here but I am. Sometimes the grief is overwhelming and it doesn’t seem to matter what I do. Prayer, meditation, anything. I can’t post this on my own blog, I know both my sons read it and I don’t want my family to worry more than they already are. I am just so tired and hurt and afraid and now panic stricken. I’m ready to die in my heart and I’ve made peace with that when I was first diagnosed, but my family…. the grief tonight is just more than I can bear – well, I guess I can get through it, but it hurts and I just feel so broken by it.
I’m sorry for letting it out here.
June 4, 2007 at 5:54 am |
P.S. Bill, I know you’re saying prayers for me and please don’t take this on you. You too have more than enough to deal with.
June 4, 2007 at 4:53 pm |
Dear Ruby,
It’s ok to fall apart, to let it out, to rage about the insensitivity of some in the medical professions. I’m glad Bill has provided a safe space for you do so, and I hope and pray that there are people in your life with whom you can let it all out face-to-face without worrying about hurting them. Even if it’s a counselor or therapist who you pay to listen and support you… I know that when I get seriously depressed, full of rage, or otherwise deeply disturbed, I need to seek out help, whether it’s a therapist, an AA sponsor, a spiritual director, or even a very patient, generous, and accepting friend.
I don’t know if it will help you, but I have this little saying that helps me to keep on keeping on when things get me down. You know that saying that was popular on bumper stickers a while back? “S$@& Happens!”? Well, when I’m feeling that way, I tell myself that God makes really good fertilizer, and start looking for signs of growth, perhaps in different places than I have looked in the past. You see, I don’t believe in a God that sends me hardships to test me or strengthen me. I imagine when I am in pain, grief, that God is weeping right along with me. AND, I do believe that DESPITE whatever crap comes my way, God will give me what I need to deal with it, one day at a time, or if necessary, one hour or minute at a time.
Sometimes it’s not until I’m well through an ordeal that I can look back to see the fruit of this outlook on life, and that really sucks sometimes. But if I can just hang in there long enough, the transformation comes.
I hope you are feeling a little bit better today, and it’s OK if you’re not.
June 4, 2007 at 5:02 pm |
Dear enreal,
Your thoughts on grief are profound. I thank you for your wish that no one will have to experience this weirdness, and yet I know that there is no escaping grief for anyone who dares to live life fully and to love deeply. I just need to remember that when grief finds me for whatever reason, the only way around it is THROUGH it. Know that I pray that you will find something other than emptiness on the other side of your grief…
June 4, 2007 at 5:59 pm |
Hi Rubyshooz,
I’ve emailed you something. I hope you find it helpful. I am also emailing a separate hug. You should feel it hit you about NOW.
Martha
June 4, 2007 at 6:15 pm |
Dear Enreal,
We need to live our lives as well as we can, on day at a time. Some days are filled with joy and laughter. Some of the nights are very dark. When the night seems to last forever but eventually the dawn comes. Sometimes we need to ask a friend to wake us up from the darkness.
There is no shame in this. Asking for help is what you have done here. I hope that there is some thing here that helps. Perhaps there is someone you know closer by who can help. I am convinced that there is joy in every day. Sometimes we have to look very hard to find it.
June 4, 2007 at 6:16 pm |
Bill,
You are a good man. Don’t ever forget it.
Martha
June 4, 2007 at 6:36 pm |
I am humbled by the visceral, honest, reality of the emotions you share here. This is a transformative place and you display fierce and gentle, raw courage in engaging it. Each moment comes to its fullest expression we can allow & then it gives way to the next, equally real, truth-expressing moment. I will add my prayers to the buckets you are receiving.
June 4, 2007 at 10:25 pm |
Ruby and Enreal
I cannot find any words to give you right now, but I offer my love and prayers.
God be with you both
love Rachel xoxo
June 5, 2007 at 6:25 am |
Off the top of my head, and from my heart. First, I feel so bad that our medical profession has been so heartless toward you. I find it interesting that you came to terms with this personally when you were first diagnosed. The situation might be more real for you now. But can you tap into some of those early feelings and use it as a springboard for positive feelings.A big problem for you is with your sons. Are you worried you let them dowm in some way?It appears that you love them. Have you let them know your deep love for them. I agree with Sr. Sandy, transformation takes a long time. Your concern for others indicates something is happening.Thanks for reading this. know of my prayful support. Prayer helps, again it takes time.
June 11, 2007 at 1:52 am |
Dear enreal and Ruby,
Sandy has shared with us (her sisters in community) about you and you may not hear from all of us, but you will be prayed for by most of us. That I know. May the God of consolation give you some bit of comfort and some new understanding of the power of pain to be redemptive and actually deepen love. I have had the most difficult two years of my life, but I think now that this has been helping me to grow. I certainly am more empathetic.
I hope each of you finds some comfort in the care of those close to you and those of us far away and unknown… but still hoping and praying that “all will be well” or at least better.
June 11, 2007 at 6:43 pm |
Mary –
I know prayer works, it’s a “scientific” fact and the more prayers the better. If you had a site of your own, I’d come look you up.
Naptime here and that’s peaceful (mostly) and I’m sending hugs and love to all.
January 30, 2008 at 4:58 pm |
Dear,
I understand grief and sadness because I have been living in it for so long time until now. I could finally let go of this feelings and this is a big relief. Two of my children had disease in bad cancer and diabetes type 1. My grandchildren has autoimmune disease and other disease. We live from day to day and live as it was our last day. We live in joy and peace. No worry. No sorry. Not now. Just light, love and happiness in spite of what will happen tomorrow.
It is about a decision to let go of sorrow and worry.
Blessings,
Ulla H